All Manner of Things Shall be Well

On a forest road, off of Mountain Loop Highway:
my favorite Mountain area near Seattle,
a quick and easy connection to Momma Nature,

I got stuck in the snow, in my friend's RV.

I had been on this road, near its singular entrance, for 27 hours,
and had only seen one truck come and go.
I was now near the top of one of 3 branches of this road.

I tried many ways to release the RV from the snow:
digging,
rocking,
wedging branches behind the tires
… repeat.

The snow was like a sno-cone,
packed down hard after much thawing, freezing,
so that my big-self on my little-feet barely sank-in.

Which was convenient for walking around,
not so convenient for getting the RV free.
I grumbled to myself: 'Darn this front-wheel-drive RV, with it's weight is over the back tires!'

After the RV was not immediately released,
I had offered a quick mock-up (prayer), that I would shift out of this with ease,
and set restfully to work, without haste, without fear, without concern:

All will be well...
All is well.

This is just an adventure, of many adventures.

I met my friend David, about a dozen years ago, in Baja.
He loved to say at the time:
Adventures start when breakdowns occur.

Of course, he is right. 
And what a blessing to stand in that place.  A place of serendipity.
Life, God breaks-through and breathes new direction into my well-laid plans.

It is a joy to have the luxury of time.

So that a breakdown has the time/space/energy to be a joy, a blessing;
not a time to hold my breath while I am knocked off-kilter.

Usually my life feels like there is never! enough! time/space/energy,
and of course that is tied directly to money.
Breakdowns usually seem to mean a cascade of frustrations and disappointments.

In my life, I think this is one of the most undermining cycles that I get caught in:
the lie that there is not enough time/space/energy/money.
and that the answer is to rush! to try! harder!

As if scurrying and effort actually get me anywhere...

It was Wednesday afternoon in late-May, the least traveled time of the week in a National Forest,
at a time of year unpopular for summer-activities, as well as waning interest in winter-activities.
It crossed my mind that another vehicle may not come way up here, until the weekend.

I had plenty of supplies, so my only real concern was the cold,
for the RV was resting on and surrounded by snow.
I knew I could handle the cold, with the resources I had... possibly even comfortably.

Or... I could walk the many miles down to the 'main' road,
although it would be near the edge of my endurance.

So, I went about, doing what I could do,
working/playing with snow and the RV:
in peace, in contentment, in play and in comfortable challenge.

And a half-hour after I got stuck,
long before I was out of schemes to disengage myself from this rut I got myself into,
up the road came a truck.

I was pleasantly surprised!
And as I walked up to the truck and the party unfolded before me,
I knew that God was taking amazing care of me.

This 4-wheel drive truck had a sweet man driving,
with his wife sitting beside,
with two dogs romping out of the back,
and next a babe-in-arms emerging out of the cab.

I knew I was ok.
Even if it had been 4 guys in the truck, drinking beer and toting rifles (a more likely option out here).
I knew I was ok.

But my body/thoughts/emotions were a lot happier with this rescue party
I now found frolicking around me.
A family who lived 50 miles away, and hadn't been up here in months...

The guy had a four wheel drive,
a heavy-duty web that easily hooked to our vehicles,
and he did all the work.

It took no time,
and when we were done,
he would take no money, or food, or anything I offered.

It was a joy though, to repay the debt,
when (you can't make this stuff up) they got stuck in the same snow I did,
and I was right there to pull them out. 

Ha. God is Good.

God is so good to me! and
I rest in the gentle arms of Momma Nature.
This is always true, but often I don't notice.

Jesus said: 'when your eye is single, your whole body also is full of light.'
One of the things I love about being out in Momma Nature:
life is so simple, uncomplicated, singular, of human-scale.

I sleep.  I eat.  I do nothing.
I read.  I write.  I play with quotes.
I hike.  I play in a creek.  I lay on stones in the sun.

I daydream.  I vision.  I meditate.
I play with Spirit.  I savor Momma Nature.
I just be, I am.

In day-to-day life, there are so many layers of challenge.

As we all do, I have so many piles of to-dos,
so many people/places/things to manage.
I am a good juggler and yet, life is intense.

I enjoy being in Momma Nature
where I can let that all stand aside:
challenges are straightforward, uncomplicated, solvable.

In this scenario,
a need for a bit more friction under the front wheels,
or a little help from a gracious stranger.

Less then an hour after getting stuck in the snow,
I was off on a hike up the road through which I couldn't drive.
With my snowshoes on my back.

Slipping snowshoes on and off, as needed;
I climbed the gorgeous, increasingly snow-packed road for an hour,
all the way to its amazing end.

Enjoying the view.
Savoring the challenge.
Knowing more deeply that God is with me.

Knowing All is Well…
All Manner of Things Shall be Well.

When have you known God was taking really sweet care of you?  How has that changed your life?

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Being with Issues & Emotions stored in our Bodies

Photo: Anguish by Porschelinn on Flickr

Below is most of the article by Bernie Clark: Issues in our Tissues: Looking at the Emotions We Store in Our Bodies

Just as it is inappropriate and unhealthy to push past our physical edges, it is also unskillful and unhelpful to push past our emotional edges.

The first thing to recognize when strong emotions arise in our yoga practice is: “I am not alone!” Many people experience discomforting emotions and even elating emotions while doing their practice. Just being aware that others have gone through the same experience—and survived very nicely, thank you very much—helps to take the edge off the anxiety of the moment...

We all have issues in our tissues, which is to say, we store emotions in our bodies. Where else could they possible be?

Emotions are not stored out there in some cloud server on the Internet: they are not on a Google computer in hyperspace. They are within you, close at hand and ready at a moment’s notice to manifest.

The dance of yoga is one of playing our edges: we approach the point of being too deep, never actually arriving at this point, and then we back off to see if we can approach that edge again, safely. This is the art: never actually going too deep, but moving constantly towards that edge where the sensations are juicy, where there is definitely something happening, but it is not too much sensation and we are never in danger of ripping the body open.

When we think about our edges we often think in physical terms, and you may well have had such an image in your mind when you read the above words, but we have edges emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. Just as it is inappropriate and unhealthy to push past our physical edges it is also unskillful and unhelpful to push past our emotional edges. Just as we may have scar tissue in our body that prevents our full range of movement, we often have emotional scar tissue as well that can restrict our interpersonal and lifestyle ranges of movement. These stuck, contracted areas can be painful when worked into and we can only go so far in our yoga practice to really open up...

Once again the answer is to play your edge, but with enhanced awareness.

Our basic emotions exist within us to provide protection, healing and growth—they are not inherently bad: they are in fact very necessary for a whole life well lived. But sometimes emotions are evoked unskillfully and it is in these cases that we need to evaluate the raw experience of the emotion unemotionally, with dispassion.

Let’s take a real life example: let’s say that recently you have begun to experience a strong feeling of fear, desperately wanting to get out of the posture, wanting to scream like crazy, “A pressure on my chest!” as one student recently noted when she went into Straddle (Dragonfly) pose during a Yin Yoga class. She had been practicing Yin Yoga for over a year so this sudden arising of fear was surprising, perplexing and worrying. What does it mean and what should she do?

First, realize that you are not the only one. Emotions will arise at some point in your yoga journey. That is quite natural when you consider that yoga works the full body, not just the physical tissues. Next, consider the depth of the emotions and whether these feelings are limited only to your yoga practice or also arise at other times in life, because if they do, you may want to seek some professional assistance in determining what it means and how to work through the challenge. Finally, know that this is a wonderful opportunity to deepen your yoga practice, to go beyond the mere postures and into the depths of your own being.

Photo: raganmd on Flickr

David Williams, one of the first two Americans to practice Ashtanga Yoga, once observed that the real yoga is what you can’t see. He means that the real process of yoga unfolds beneath the obvious shapes that we contort our bodies into, it involves the breath and the way we pay attention to what is happening within. This is the invitation your strong emotional response is offering you. Rather than blindly or automatically react to the emotion, cultivate an attitude of acceptance and curiosity. Ask yourself what is really going on: “What is this?”...

Poses in yoga work the body physically and energetically, stimulating the meridian lines that correspond to the major organs of the body and sometimes eliciting strong emotional responses. In the example of the woman who experienced fear while she was in Straddle Pose, she may have created a deep stress along the inner thighs, the adductor muscle group, through which the liver and kidney meridians run. This stress may be sufficient to trigger an emotional response if there is some blockage psychically or emotionally in the pertaining organs of the liver and kidneys.

Regardless of the cause of the emotional response, the prescription is the same: awareness with dispassion. Watch what is occurring without trying to change it, without running away from it, without giving into it in despair or resignation. Of course, as we have already discussed, if you really feel you are past your edge and are too deeply into an emotional state, then back off! But if the emotions are just challenging, not dangerous, stay and observe the raw experience that is occurring. This is when something interesting is about to happen. Don’t miss it!

Ask yourself constantly, “What is this?”

Note the emotions and the associated physical sensations in detail to yourself: what are you feeling, what is your breath like, your heart rate, is there increased tension in your jaw, shoulders, neck? For example, if you are feeling fear, notice what fear feels like: “my breath is shorter and choppy; my shoulders are tense; my thoughts are foggy and I can’t focus.”

Don’t judge these sensations as good or bad and don’t try to change them; just observe them as they are...

To sum up, when a strong emotion arises in the middle of a yoga practice pay attention to it. If it is too strong, back off and perhaps even stop the practice for that day. If this continues to happen to the degree that you can no longer practice skillfully, then seek help from a qualified yoga teacher or counseling. However, if the emotions are challenging but not dangerous, use this opportunity to take your yoga practice to a new level: play the edge of the emotion without going over the edge. Start to observe what is actually occurring, without adding anything to the experience and without taking anything away from it.

One last thought, and for this I will quote Rod Stryker: “If you have never laughed or cried in a yoga class, what are you waiting for?”

  Bernie Clark

The curse and blessing of Perfection

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I used to be dominated by the pressure to be perfect - i.e. to be very different, 'better!', than I was/am and different than I ever could realistically be.
In various layers of my being, consciously and not-consciously, I used to think that I had to be perfect to be loved, to be acceptable, to deserve the earth under my feet and the sun & rain on my face.
I have been allowing shift on this for many years now, layer after layer, thought after habit after emotional default after energetic attachment... shifting and allowing light and lightness. It is a blessing to allow healing and change at the deep layers.

It gave me a lever to help me free myself, when my spiritual teacher told me that there is NO perfection in this world, on the PHYSICAL it is an unobtainable ideal, so it would serve me to let it go.
At the same time. it helped me to see and expereince over and over, from a SPIRITUAL perspective, that Everything and Everyone really is perfect: right now; always have been, always will be. Everything is ALL Right. As Julian of Norwich said: 'All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.' That is the spiritual reality which I expereince, when I tune into my mystical senses.

It also helps me to notice what I think perfect is.

Is it a rigid picture of how someone or something should be, an IDEAL? This doesn't work for me, I never live up to my own or other's idealized pictures of who I should be, what I should look like, and what I should do. And nothing in this world lives up to my idealized pictures either. This is a painful way to live, and it doesn't work for me. Fortunately my spiritual practice has very useful distinctions and practices around these 'perfect pictures' that so often drive us - so I am grateful to be in the process of letting go of them, and the mechanisms behind them, deep in my psyche.

Another way to look at perfect, which I find enlivening:
The Greek word that is often translated as perfect, can also mean "having reached its end, full-grown, complete in all its parts, of full age, consummated goal, mature from going through the necessary stages to reach the end-goal, developed into a consummating completion by fulfilling the necessary process, reaching the end (aim)…"
I find this a useful way to look at 'perfection' - like an acorn that has now become a mighty oak (Dr Bruce Morgan used to say ; )
Of course, I STILL won't get there, until my life completes and I am ready to transition. But, I really like this definition of perfection: to be allowing myself be in active process of wholeness, maturity and coming to completion as MYSELF in my Unique Being and Doing in this world.

And to be clear! I do not mean coming to maturity through Striving, through Effort, though Trying to be bigger, faster, smarter, BETTER!
I mean like a child in the sandbox, playing: and while I play: learning and growing and maturing.
I mean like the beautiful tree BEING itself every day in every way: enjoying the land it is on, soaking up the rain, delighting in the sunlight, swaying in the breeze... then millimeter by millimeter = after years, or decades, or centuries of being - it comes to its fullness.
I mean a maturity that comes with being myself, creating and playing in the physical reality, trusting Spirit. I am excited about that kind of perfection!
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Relationships: GO where the JUICE is!

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A friend of mine was talking about issues around dating on FB. I started writing and i just kept writing: I kept it up for awhile ; )

Below are a few of the ideas I have about 'dating' I feel something bubbling up in my ministry in this arena: don't know how it will come out, yet... I think starting the relationship FB group is a step in that direction as well ; )

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When 'dating' I educate potential partners about who I am and where I come from, I share myself, I set Very Clear boundaries and expectations: I want this and not that, 'I want to snuggle but I don't want to be sexual tonight', for example.

I believe the most important time to be honest with myself and with another about who I really am, is in the beginning of a relationship. I put it all right out there, some would say I try to scare folks away: but what I really do is get both of us to be excited about what 'works' and realistic about what does and doesn't *fit* as Fast as possible.

It is like a job interview, many folks go on 'dates' saying: oh pick me! and then be on best behavior, and try to do and say it 'right'. I have learned as both an employee and an employer: the potential *employee's* job in an interview is to find out:
- Will I fit in here?
- Does this company and position fit my needs?
- What are they looking for and is it a good personality and skills match for me?
- What are the short and long-term goals for this job, and how does that suit my short and long-term goals? etc.

As an interviewer, if someone comes in knowing who they are and what they want and is PROACTIVE about finding out about the company and the position and what would be expected of them = pretty much always I want to hire their ass! Because they are taking responsibility for themselves and their life and their career path and it is very likely they will take responsibility for the job and the things that need done, if I hire them: this is Very Attractive, personally and professionally!!

Similar things are true for a 'dating' situation: when I GO FOR what I want, what I need, what is fun for me, what is juicy; and I am clear about MY priorities: 'yes I want sex, but I want to feel safe first', or whatever: this is extremely attractive!

So I practice being 'myself in extreme' when 'dating' - we might not end up together, but I have fun, we both get value, and they know what they are getting or not getting very clearly. I am not stuck in: are they a good fit or not? I don't go to fantasy land, thinking: Maybe I could make myself fit in their box, Maybe they could fit in my box if i saw off an arm: that is complete BS! In my way of being, If I am not jazzed about them, and them about me, what is the point of that? The end-game makes no sense, IMO. If it is not an exciting fit, I bless them and I am on to the next juicy, authentic encounter.

If I am not comfortable with anything in the dating situation, I say so, and I say what would work better for me. If I don't think it will work out, I say so ASAP, and deal with the issues. One of the best jobs I have had, I kept telling the owner: I don't think this job is a good fit because x, y, z - and he kept coming back with a new offer because he saw in me the potential to assist his business. One of the sweetest lovers I've ever had, I turned down over and over; and he kept coming back and saying no: we can work out p, d & q. I am not saying to play games, or play hard to get, or any of that BS - I am saying the opposite: PLAY YOUR OWN GAME!

The 'dating' game is not about putting on my best face, and my sexiest outfit and being as NICE and ACCOMMODATING as I can be. This leads to Very Bad results: because someone ends up buying a 'package' and eventually has to find out somewhere along the way that they got a bait-and-switch! Eventually I need to be Myself (I pray this is true!) and then what??

Meanwhile, if I am trying to be something I am not, it is a lot of work, and not a lot of fun for anyone! And i have to be hyper-vigilant. And I can't receive love, affection or validation because I am too busy being someone I am not! Their true attraction for me cannot come IN because I know their affection is for my facade, not for ME! Aye, 'what a tangled web we weave...'

Meanwhile, while I am busy trying to match this one person's pictures of a perfect mate, or whatever - I am missing the chance to be treasured by some one who is GAGA Crazy over *ME* - my real, true self! Because if I do not let MYSELF out to Play, then *I* am not available to fall in love with! On the other hand, If I let my freak-flag fly and BE ME: THAT IS *VERY* ATTRACTIVE - I am warm and loving and fun, interesting and interested in them - etc - who wouldn't want to play with me??

I have been Very fortunate to be blessed with amazing partners throughout my adulthood. I always say when I am open to a new partner: although I cannot imagine it (because my past partners were amazing) but, my next partner will be even More Amazing - and it is true!!

I have always been larger than the average woman, and I am average looking, and average in many ways - not especially brilliant, or especially interesting to most people. Meanwhile, some of my acquaintances are surprised: 'you are fat, how are you with that great guy?' I swear this is what they say!

Well, I continue to let go of the lovely pictures my family and this society gave me that say: 'you Have to be (model) beautiful to be loved'. My mother actually said this to me growing up, and she meant well: she wanted the best for me and she believed I needed to get with the 'program' if I wanted to be loved. Her pictures are that I need to be thin, and fit, and appropriate, and dress well and be sexy, and cook and clean... and accommodate a LOT.

Well, I did get with the program - but a very different program than hers! I am a great cook, but I only do it when I feel like it. I rarely wear makeup, I don't iron, I dress... uniquely ; ) I am a terrible cleaner and only do it when i feel like it: which is not a lot. I am really awful at most of the things my mom, and many other people, think I need to DO and Be, IN ORDER to be loved...

And I think my mom is still amazed that I can be my unpolished, somewhat slovenly self and have such an amazing, delightful relationship with an awesome partner. I still think after Michael and I being together for over 16 years now, that she cocks her head in wonder at me - still kinda wondering: 'how did she pull this off' ; )

I am not saying any of this to get down on my Mom, she loves me, she just has very different pictures about how to live life than i do!!

Here are some of my pictures about how life works for me:
I hold on to the love of Gd, which shines out from me.
And I allow myself to love myself, the best I can.
And I let Gd continue to teach me to let others love me: even when I don't live up to my own or society's pictures about beauty or whatever.

And, if I let go of I'M FAT and trip on it as little as possible, most people can let go of it too!! I think Guys especially get a really bad rap: 'oh, Men are bad, they only want young, thin, perfect little creatures'. Of course there are women who only want a certain body-type as well... Great they can play together and hope no one gets sick or hurt or old ; )

So, for some this is true. But for many this is absolutely Not true. Folks want a lot more in a relationship then some perfect facade.

The truth is, after a while, whomever I love is beautiful to me: regardless of the big nose or the pot belly - their bodies are absolutely precious to me. PRECIOUS.

And another fact is: humans can get used to almost anything, very quickly: SO I start dating, IDK, George Clooney or Andie McDowell tomorrow - in a couple months or years, they will be just another person to me: someone who snuggles in bed and leaves toothpaste in the sink, and who I sometimes love and sometimes hate - just normal everyday life... Not, OMG, I am sleeping with a dreamboat! Because this we can count on: we can learn to take almost anything for granted ; )

There are sweet spots, and delightful, as well as annoying, idiosyncrasies about each person - count on it - no one is a completely perfect fit - it just matters if they are annoyances that I can live with!

But, to get back to the point, if I walk around saying THEY won't love me until I am Blah, blah, blah (until I am thin with long hair - or whatever ; ) Well, then, um, they won't love me until I am thin with long hair! It is impossible for anyone to get Through that Barrier - MY BARRIER! And I am not likely to be thin with long hair any time in the next month - probably this lifetime... so until then; I might as well go play with the body I've got!!

My point is, when I get out of my own way, and start ALLOWING Love Now, then that is what I get: Love. Now.

There is spiritual work that really assists me with this. I am constantly babbling about this, so I won't add this now ; )

Anyway, here is the bottom line:
I have been a relationship coach for about 20 years, off and on, and I always tell folks: just GO where the JUICE is!
- Who are you attracted to (in whatever way, man or woman) go THERE and play!
- What situation or activities are JUICY for you - go there and play!
- and BE JUICED about it all!

While you are at it:
- BE wildly authentic.
- Allow the Universe to provide.
- Love yourself, and allow love IN.

It comes down to: FOLLOW YOUR BLISS, wherever she leads...
LIFE will open to you, Doors will open to you, Friends and Delights will open to you. Love will open to you... Bet on It!!


Happy weekend - w
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Fervor, freedom and leisure - from that comes the artist

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I hope this is useful encouragement for 'artists' as well as all for whom life is a creative act:

I just read an inspiring story in our local paper: Neighborhood Gems: Joe Reno.
This man found his passion, which is indistinguishable from his service / contribution to the world;
and has been doing it steadily for most of his life.

Here is some of his wisdom:

Upon his return to Seattle shortly thereafter, Reno started painting night and day, delivering art to the community and the nation in vast numbers.

Heger said Reno’s works lean toward the tail end of mystique’s tradition.

Reno’s works show mystical leanings because he believes in supernatural powers emanating from our natural surroundings, which is why he loves the Northwest so much.

“Nature is key,” he said. “Composition and character are the most important things in fine arts but you can not teach them, you have to be born with it. You have to grow up with people that are wholesome and develop character in nature, out in the woods.”

Reno said sprawl, environmental destruction and wars are making fine art disappear.

Fine art is crucial because it’s the breeding ground for creative thinking and science, Reno said, pointing out Leonardo Da Vinci who was both, a great fine artist and scientist.

“Fervor, freedom and leisure - from that comes the artist,” he said. “Computers are a depletion of your contact with your natural ways. Genius comes from beaches, beautiful parks and all sorts of creatures. The Northwest is one of the strongest breeding grounds for genius.”...

Reno never married and sees his art as his offspring and the world as his stage.

“Each human being on this planet is my audience. When I paint, I’m writing a letter to every human being telling them to be happy and not be evil...” he said.

Brown said that while you need a whole community to keep fine art alive, Reno is certainly doing his bit.

“He’s the most industrious artist around. You won’t find anyone like him. For him it’s 24 hours a day,” he said.

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Divine Love

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A GOLDEN COMPASS, Hafiz: 

Forget every idea of right and wrong 

Any classroom ever taught you 

Because An empty heart, a tormented mind, Unkindness, jealousy and fear 

Are always the testimony 

You have been completely fooled! 

Turn your back on those 

Who would imprison your wondrous spirit 

With deceit and lies. 

Come, join the honest company Of the King's beggars – 

Those gamblers, scoundrels and divine clowns 

And those astonishing fair courtesans 

Who need Divine Love every night. 

Come, join the courageous 

Who have no choice 

But to bet their entire world 

That indeed, Indeed, God is Real. 

I will lead you into the Circle Of the Beloved's cunning thieves, 

Those playful royal rogues 

– The ones you can trust for true guidance – 

Who can aid you In this Blessed Calamity of life. 

Hafiz, Look at the Perfect One At the Circle's Center: 

He Spins and Whirls like a Golden Compass, 

Beyond all that is Rational, 

To show this dear world 

That Everything, Everything in Existence 

Does point to God.