The perils of so-called 'Spiritual Romance'

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Many are hungering after a spiritual partner, to Really start living their 'spiritual life'. 

Someone to 

- eat Vegetarian with, 

- partner with in daily Meditation, 

- practice Releasing ego and fear continually & consciously together

... whatever the pictures are.

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It is always tempting to WAIT 

for Something, Someone, Sometime... 

- outside of here, now, with, 

- outside of myself 

to BE/ DO my ideal concepts.

Of course the answer is: 

Start NOW.

 

We can do these things individually, 

with groups of friends, 

and in conscious connection with all our relations. 

Why wait? 

Vegetarianism, daily meditation, practicing releasing ego and fear continually, et al, 

- who can argue? let's GO!
; )

Trying to add 'romantic love' (really dependency on any other person) to the mix 

is a recipe for disaster.

It stops me from my path. 

AND 

Truth is: I need to have my act together when that Romance wave hits 

- it Really upsets the applecart, 

- and I Really need to know Who I am and What I want, 

or it is easy to be Swept Away....

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Tying one's Relationship 

to expectation or demand of some list of beliefs, ways-of-being, practices (from self and other) 

make always-changing relationships between always-growing people, even harder than they already are!

But, as a conscious practice choice of one individual, 

who is already vibrating more and more in this way, 

who desires to attract another in a love dance...

 

With someone who hopefully will at least sometimes / often? 

be in alignment with these practices, knowing sometimes they may not!!!

; ) 

This seems a more obtainable and healthy path, to me.

We attract the vibration we are, after all. 

SO being the practice, 

seems the most likely path to attract someone in alignment with the practice, seems to me...

After that, what is Absolutely Necessary for them to be/do?

For me, I Require nothing discussed above, of Them. 

What about you?

: ) W

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Weebles wobble, but they don't stay down

I spent a lot of my adult life in depression,
or with big gnarly melancholy dominating my life on a regular basis.
Since I started my current soul work, that is all a memory.

I still go through Intense stuff, no worries!
But the challenges are from my real life, now, and handle-able.

More often and more uncomfortable 

is the stuff I am 'clearing' that feels rotten in my space.

But I Know and, by the use of my inner-tools, I ensure
that yuckiness is merely on its way up and out of my system.

The garbage truck is full of sound and fury,
sometimes it smells awful, and it is a really bad place to have a picnic! 
But unless I block/resist it, 

soon it is GONE, carrying all my rotten stuff along with it ; )

Again, this wasn't always the case!
For most of my life, all the crap was just Happening To Me! 

- ahhh - 

and I couldn't make it stop.

But for over a decade, I stand in a different place than I used to stand 

- this has made everything different:

I Know:
- the overwhelming emotions,
- the grinding thought patterns,
- the habits like Victim and Shy, and
- the set-points on 'low power' and 'give everything I can to others and not myself'…
no longer Dominate me, if I don't choose for them to do so.

I have experienced over and over:
I am a weeble: I wobble but I don't stay down ; )
I bounce right back up, in a minute, an hour, a day...

If it takes me longer to get up, I usually need a hand!
I Ask one of my healer friends to assist me to shift, or to hold my hand while I face my demons...
When I am Ready to Get Up, all I have to do is Ask and Receive!

This shift to Choosing My Inner Experience didn't happen because I am smart, or strong, or tenacious. 
I am blessed with those qualities, but that didn't help me for decades.

What helped me is learning and using Inner Tools, that give me leverage in my inner choices
AND learning and applying a few Distinctions (ways of seeing myself and the world) that serve me much better than my old belief-patterns.

I KNOW this soul process works when you work it.
I have seen it for myself and in so many others.

Blessings on your unique journey, Wendy

I happened to write about some of my beliefs and experience, yesterday.  I was encouraging a friend who was facing his own inner demons.  If you would like, read more here.

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All Manner of Things Shall be Well

On a forest road, off of Mountain Loop Highway:
my favorite Mountain area near Seattle,
a quick and easy connection to Momma Nature,

I got stuck in the snow, in my friend's RV.

I had been on this road, near its singular entrance, for 27 hours,
and had only seen one truck come and go.
I was now near the top of one of 3 branches of this road.

I tried many ways to release the RV from the snow:
digging,
rocking,
wedging branches behind the tires
… repeat.

The snow was like a sno-cone,
packed down hard after much thawing, freezing,
so that my big-self on my little-feet barely sank-in.

Which was convenient for walking around,
not so convenient for getting the RV free.
I grumbled to myself: 'Darn this front-wheel-drive RV, with it's weight is over the back tires!'

After the RV was not immediately released,
I had offered a quick mock-up (prayer), that I would shift out of this with ease,
and set restfully to work, without haste, without fear, without concern:

All will be well...
All is well.

This is just an adventure, of many adventures.

I met my friend David, about a dozen years ago, in Baja.
He loved to say at the time:
Adventures start when breakdowns occur.

Of course, he is right. 
And what a blessing to stand in that place.  A place of serendipity.
Life, God breaks-through and breathes new direction into my well-laid plans.

It is a joy to have the luxury of time.

So that a breakdown has the time/space/energy to be a joy, a blessing;
not a time to hold my breath while I am knocked off-kilter.

Usually my life feels like there is never! enough! time/space/energy,
and of course that is tied directly to money.
Breakdowns usually seem to mean a cascade of frustrations and disappointments.

In my life, I think this is one of the most undermining cycles that I get caught in:
the lie that there is not enough time/space/energy/money.
and that the answer is to rush! to try! harder!

As if scurrying and effort actually get me anywhere...

It was Wednesday afternoon in late-May, the least traveled time of the week in a National Forest,
at a time of year unpopular for summer-activities, as well as waning interest in winter-activities.
It crossed my mind that another vehicle may not come way up here, until the weekend.

I had plenty of supplies, so my only real concern was the cold,
for the RV was resting on and surrounded by snow.
I knew I could handle the cold, with the resources I had... possibly even comfortably.

Or... I could walk the many miles down to the 'main' road,
although it would be near the edge of my endurance.

So, I went about, doing what I could do,
working/playing with snow and the RV:
in peace, in contentment, in play and in comfortable challenge.

And a half-hour after I got stuck,
long before I was out of schemes to disengage myself from this rut I got myself into,
up the road came a truck.

I was pleasantly surprised!
And as I walked up to the truck and the party unfolded before me,
I knew that God was taking amazing care of me.

This 4-wheel drive truck had a sweet man driving,
with his wife sitting beside,
with two dogs romping out of the back,
and next a babe-in-arms emerging out of the cab.

I knew I was ok.
Even if it had been 4 guys in the truck, drinking beer and toting rifles (a more likely option out here).
I knew I was ok.

But my body/thoughts/emotions were a lot happier with this rescue party
I now found frolicking around me.
A family who lived 50 miles away, and hadn't been up here in months...

The guy had a four wheel drive,
a heavy-duty web that easily hooked to our vehicles,
and he did all the work.

It took no time,
and when we were done,
he would take no money, or food, or anything I offered.

It was a joy though, to repay the debt,
when (you can't make this stuff up) they got stuck in the same snow I did,
and I was right there to pull them out. 

Ha. God is Good.

God is so good to me! and
I rest in the gentle arms of Momma Nature.
This is always true, but often I don't notice.

Jesus said: 'when your eye is single, your whole body also is full of light.'
One of the things I love about being out in Momma Nature:
life is so simple, uncomplicated, singular, of human-scale.

I sleep.  I eat.  I do nothing.
I read.  I write.  I play with quotes.
I hike.  I play in a creek.  I lay on stones in the sun.

I daydream.  I vision.  I meditate.
I play with Spirit.  I savor Momma Nature.
I just be, I am.

In day-to-day life, there are so many layers of challenge.

As we all do, I have so many piles of to-dos,
so many people/places/things to manage.
I am a good juggler and yet, life is intense.

I enjoy being in Momma Nature
where I can let that all stand aside:
challenges are straightforward, uncomplicated, solvable.

In this scenario,
a need for a bit more friction under the front wheels,
or a little help from a gracious stranger.

Less then an hour after getting stuck in the snow,
I was off on a hike up the road through which I couldn't drive.
With my snowshoes on my back.

Slipping snowshoes on and off, as needed;
I climbed the gorgeous, increasingly snow-packed road for an hour,
all the way to its amazing end.

Enjoying the view.
Savoring the challenge.
Knowing more deeply that God is with me.

Knowing All is Well…
All Manner of Things Shall be Well.

When have you known God was taking really sweet care of you?  How has that changed your life?

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Clearing Trauma: it takes. Minute AND its Worth our Investment

I have had the dark blessing of a long and winding way 

with much opportunity to Clear Trauma, Abuse, PTSD, anxiety, depression, emotions, habits, addictions...

Deep wounding takes more than saying a few words to clear it. 

It takes turning the ship, not 're-arranging chairs on the Titanic' ; )

As I told a healer I worked with a while ago, 

"if it was easy for me to change and let this go, I would be healed and whole years ago."

Utilizing intention, along with meditation techniques, and wise and compassionate support, 

I have cleared a large percentage of my abuse pictures/energy and all that came with it.

As well as the 'bent-ness; that perpetuated into my adult life, and which I built my self and life upon. 

And I am still fully engaged in this process, and I will be for a long time. 

It takes courage and persistence. 

And for me, as with many, it got worse (as things came up and out to clear) before it got better.

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Healing and experiencing wholeness is available to us. 

When we clean up the mess, life can be a joy: easy and fun! 

We don't have to live with PTSD or any other brokenness, 

without hope of healing and restoration. 

And, yes, I had to change!

to begin identifying with myself as spirt, 

and not with my abuse and the brokenness that I experienced from that.

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Meanwhile, with extreme issues, it is not usually as easy as 'falling off a log.' 

I believe it is absolutely necessary to have powerful energy techniques; 

and wise, compassionate support for this process. 

For some, it is a very challenging path: 

it can feel like hell, or dying, or going completely loony, or all the above!

Wise and compassionate support is essential for many, for many reasons, including:
1) It is almost impossible to face some of the worst stuff alone.
2) It is important not to 'fall off the edge.'
3) It is necessary to deal with the tremendously temptation to want to run back to living with the terrible pain and brokenness, rather than pushing through the horror, to eventual experience of freedom and lightness and wholeness.

Enough for now, I am going out to play!

Yay for wounded healers: 

may we keep healing ourselves, so we can be Well and Happy; 

and from there we can effectively assist others!

-wendy

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Dancing judgment - theirs, and mine

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I have Much experience with Dancing judgment - theirs, and mine.  

It still bothers me sometimes, but SO much less than the past.  

I am attracting a lot less resistance to my path the more I own it as MINE. 

I used to feel attacked a lot - embattled and un-loved because of it. 

I feel that way less and less, and folks’ behavior toward me is now  less and less attacking or judging.

I have played the role of a square peg in a round hole a lot in my life 

(Goddess-loving, Christian, Bisexual, Polyamorous, Psychic to name a few roles I play– a lot of things for myself and others to get hooked on…).  

So I have a lot of practice! 

I have found many strategies to handle this for myself.  

I cannot address them all, 

but I will name a few internal and external things I do that work for me.

And of course this is a work in progress, I am not nearly baked.  

But I am so much more comfortable now than I used to be 

- I used to suffer a lot around these issues - now only a little ; )

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Internal: This is the most important thing – always, IMO.
I use my meditation techniques ongoingly to do things like:

* let Gd heal me

* let go of my deep, sometimes semi-conscious internal resistance and judgment of myself for being who I am and doing what I am doing (internalized homophobia, etc)

* allow in attitudes and energy of neutrality, amusement, all the gifts of the spirit…

* consciously let go of competition and judgment of self and others (i.e. I let go of judging them for judging me), resistance to their and my way of being (i.e. I let go of attachment to them liking and admiring me).

* acknowledge that I have co-created my experience and consciously create with Spirit something I prefer.

* receive, receive, receive from Gd and other spiritual Masters & Guides, as well as from the Earth: the love, validation, experience of wholeness from the inside, what I am tempted to want from others on the outside!

* be what we call in my tradition 'body of glass': 

instead of blocking / protecting / resisting / attaching to energies that I do not want in my system; 

I allow Gd to clear my space so those energies pass right through me.  

The more I allow my space to clear, the less stuff sticks to me. 

What does stick or HOOK, that is where I can allow healing to shift me - so next time I am more clear.

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As I do these kinds of things internally, I am more comfortable and happy in my own space, folks are more easeful with me, and it makes it easier for others to shift to a clearer, lighter vibration in their own space, as well. 

I remember: what I resist, persists…

This changes MY internal experience. 

This changes the kinds of energies I attract, so my external experience changes as well. 

SO, what happens is I attract 

less of the kind of people who judge me, 

the people in my life judge me less, 

and when they do judge me it bothers me less. 

What does bother me, I allow Gd to heal, 

and the cycle starts over at even a higher level.

The most important part of this cycle is for me to let go of judging and trying to change the folks in my life 

and devote all that attention and energy to my relationship with Gd and my inner healing.
Again, I am still very much in process with this, but the results so far are quite stunning.

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External: really secondary, but helpful.

I allow the changes that I have found from using my meditation techniques to seep into my physical life to change my habits of thinking, feeling, acting and reacting.

This is quite a process.
Here are a few examples of some practices I use to shift my outer life:

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* I avoid giving advice.  

My best information comes from within, and I don’t change until I am ready 

– so I mean to stay out of the way and let others have their own journey as well.  

I want all to enjoy our own and honor each other’s spiritual freedom, free will. 

When folks ask me for advice, I try to stick to speaking from my own beliefs and experience, and when appropriate (like when I am reading or sometimes when teaching) saying what I see around their situation.  

My tradition believes we teach what we need to learn, 

and any advice I give is what I need to hear myself, so I take that to heart.  

When I am compelled to give advice, I notice that is a place I need healing.  

When others are compelled to give me advice, 

I notice that perhaps it is a place they need healing, and try not to take it personally ; )

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* I enjoy my curiosity about who folks are and why they believe what they believe. 

I already know what I believe and don’t necessarily need to hear myself say it over and over. 

But, if I am interested in getting to know someone else better, then I am interested in the how, when and what of their POV.

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* I personally have found the perspective and tools on NVC: non-violent (or compassionate) communication to be extremely useful and of great service to me in my physical communication and relationships.

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* If someone is my intimate, I speak in my own voice completely authentically and they love and validate me. 

Sometimes we need to work things out, conflict and misunderstandings – but the basis of who I am and what I am up to is Not under attack, for me this is what an intimate IS.  

For non-intimates, I do my best to ‘speak into their listening’.  

I remain truthful and myself, but I make an effort to communicate in ways, with words and concepts that match their world view. 

I find this helps bridge unnecessary gaps and find common ground on which we can build. 

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* The more I let go of (non-intimate) people in my life understanding me, loving me, validating me, knowing me (I get these needs met elsewhere), 

the more I can relate to folks on the level that They feel comfortable. 

I do not have to share experiences, beliefs, myself in ways that people cannot interface with me in an enjoyable way (I polka with folks who can polka and waltz with folks who can waltz – I enjoy most 3 count dances, so what do I care? ; )

Instead of trying to get my needs met from someone who cannot meet them, or can not meet them comfortably, 

I interface with them where/how they can meet me – or avoid the encounter completely.

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* Although I am very open, I do not tell every person every thing in my life.  

They don’t really want to know.  

If they ask and I believe they will be uncomfortable with the answer, 

I sometimes ask if they really want to know; 

if yes I will prolly choose to tell them. 

Or, sometimes I will divert the conversation, 

and if they care enough to bring questions up again, then I will prolly choose to tell them.  

It always remains my choice, and the consequences are mine as well. 

Many folks in my life do not really want to know about the things in my life that bring them discomfort.  

They have learned not to press too far in certain directions because they don’t really want to encounter conflict.   

I have found their discomfort with processing or their leaning toward peaceful-seeming encounters are usually greater than their desire to connect deeply with me. 

For folks who do press through and really want to know me, I honor them, even when we disagree. 

I share with them honestly for as long as they can be respectful toward me.  

When they lose their ability to relate as adult humans, I set boundaries and hope that soon we can connect authentically with joy.

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So, that is a bit of what I do with the challenge of feeling judged. 

I hope something here assists you in your Journey.

In life, wendy

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the Power of Acceptance

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"

It's difficult to try to be what you are not. 

Being what you are doesn't require any effort. 

When you become wise, you accept yourself the way you are, 

and the complete acceptance of yourself 

becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else.

"
- don Miguel Ruiz

some will say

"accepting unacceptable things about either oneself or the people you interact with is not always a good notion"

On the physical level, what you say makes sense, and many of us are trained to believe such things.

I have found it does not work. 

I have found that I can, and others can, tweak the outside, try harder for limited periods of time, etc. 

But I have found this method doesn't work for me on the inside, or in the long run, or for anything that is a Core issue for me.

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From my experience:

Unless I can BE with what is 

Unless I can stop Resisting 

Nothing Changes 

IF I really do choose change, 

It serves me to let go, accept what IS. 

then 

Say 'hello' deep inside, and attend to that.

Allow the shifts to flower from within.

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Some will say: 

"we are responsible for the people we become"

"Honesty in looking at ourselves and realizing that if we are less than we choose to be"

"it is within our power to become the best we can be"

"we are not "stuck" with ourselves" 

AMEN

The question is HOW? 

IN what Context?

Through what Process.

It is obvious that one can change the facade, paint the walls, and change the curtains easily enough. 

In my spiritual tradition, we find that Effort works on the physical, but not on the spiritual level. 

I have found to truly realign the foundation and change the structure of my being, it takes a New way of BEing.

Of course, many people don't believe we CAN realign the foundation and change the structure of our being, 

so the process of acceptance/non-judgment and ease/no-effort may seem superfluous 

- but I don't believe so...

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Allowing Ease, not Effort
Finding Freedom from Judgment
What We Resist, Persists...

Is a fruitful journey.

For me, 

- Beating myself (and others) up for where I am. 

- Eschewing what is Real.

- Effort & Striving ... merely looking the part...

Works Not At ALL :)

Acceptance, etc 

actually Does Work, in my experience!

For myself and with others. 

Sometimes the mere release of my judgment and resistance 

and things miraculously shift. 

After all, I am HOLDING in place with my NO!

Some say:

Acceptance Produces Change.

It makes sense, because 

Acceptance removes One of the Forces in Play

after that, shift happens, finding a New Balance. 

So, I just get to keep practicing Acceptance 

- a Powerful blessing of: Truth and Miracles

Being with what IS. 

Releasing the judgment and resistance. 

Easier said than done - and the fruit is Delicious!

: )Wendy 

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The only choice we get is what to worship

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This is the quote that led me on this journey:

...in the day-to-day trenches of adult life,
there is actually no such thing as atheism.
There is no such thing as not worshiping.
Everybody worships.
The only choice we get is what to worship.
-David Foster Wallace.

I recommend the entire speech, here:
DAVID FOSTER WALLACE's commencement address, Kenyon College, 2005.

Here are some excerpts:

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way...

and:

As I'm sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotised by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now). Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about "the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master"...

lastly:

If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won't consider possibilities that aren't annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the centre of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving.... The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over...

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out. Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really IS the job of a lifetime. And it commences: now.

I wish you way more than luck.

Finding Freedom from Judgment

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I just had an ah-ha light bulb go off!

Here’s the background:

I have encountered different people and groups who don’t feel comfortable with folks who are ‘healing’. And by ‘healing’ I mean – in process: still releasing or potentially releasing all kinds of yucky stuff: hate, invalidation, competition, fear, etc

I am still in process, still healing, and there are people and groups that I feel especially uncomfortable with, because I know they perceive my brokenness / darkness / evil and I don’t feel accepted and loved because of that. In their presence I get a more intense story that I ‘should’ be better, different, healed already! I am not OK, just as I am, and just as I’m not…

Now, of course, because I am still in the healing and acceptance process, I have all these stories anyway – I want to hide under a rock and I don’t feel good about myself as I am, in some deep yucky levels of my system. This is all MY stuff.

But SOME people and groups assist me to want to hide MORE and not feel good about myself MORE. This is my reaction to THEIR stuff on top of MY stuff.

I like to tell my students:

- Sometimes I walk in to a room and feel more warm, beautiful, charming and loved - YUM! This is likely energy bouncing back and forth with others and mirroring back to me things, for example, like validation from them to me (i.e. I’m ok, it’s ok)

- Sometimes I walk into a room and feel all of a sudden like a fat, stupid cow, and my Mother dresses me funny - YUCK! There are a few options about what could be going on, one is: this could be energy bouncing back and forth with others and mirroring back to me things like invalidation from them to me (i.e. I’m not ok, it’s not ok). Their invalidation bounces into MY own invalidation in my own system and hits/hurts/hooks. My own crap is mirrored back at me, seemingly from outside, and more painful because of that!  
..........- Meanwhile, the more I heal, the less this is an issue, because as I let go of invalidation in my system, their invalidation doesn’t hit/hurt/hook me – it just sails right through my system. This is part of why things like: ‘healing yourself heals the world’ and ‘be the change you want to see in the world’, and ‘don’t walk anywhere to preach unless your walking IS your preaching’ matter so much. This is part of why Spiritual Masters are such a healing influence in the world, and such a healing to be near: they don’t reflect back our shit (because they aren’t holding on to it) – it sails right through! They reflect back our Beauty and Wholeness – and so we can more easily allow our Beauty and Wholeness to BE. 
...........- AND Meanwhile, as long as I have a standard-issue human body, I am likely to have a little or a lot of invalidation 'lying around' in my space, and opportunities to let go of invalidation and many other kinds of ‘hooks’ in my system. Learning to let go of hooks will remain a game I have the opportunity to play: one of the healing games ; )

A couple interesting things to note about this illustration:

- Jesus spoke about ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ If I hold judgment (competition) in my space, I will not only judge others but also judge myself – there is no way around it. All the energy in our system, in this case judgment, is a two-way street! If I want to experience the world as safe, easy, joyful, I must let go of things like judgment, otherwise I will never allow myself to fully enjoy the grace, peace, freedom of Gd.  

- More about energy in the system being a two-way street: The more I allow the spiritual fruits into my life, and allow the intellectual and emotional and other energetic ‘garbage’ out of my system, of course it is more comfortable for me to BE myself and PLAY in the world. Also it is A LOT easier for OTHERS to be with me and play with me, as well.

These shifts may seem simple to say, and sometimes harder to do, but I believe PERCEIVING/VALIDATING where the issues are (one could call this acknowledging Truth) and CHOOSING to allow change (one could call this allowing Grace ; ) gets me a great chunk of the way there. We have a lot more power than we may think, and a lot more spiritual help than we may acknowledge! And I am blessed to utilize spiritual techniques that totally ROCK for supporting me to make these kinds of changes! 

And of course, I am still learning and growing. As I said above, sometimes I still give my power away when I experience judgment: especially with ‘very spiritual’ or ‘consciously psychic’ folks. I tell myself things like this:
- They know BETTER THAN ME who I ‘should’ be and what I ‘should’ do. I should listen to them, not myself and Gd…
- Oh, their judgment really is valid, I really DO SUCK. I should go back and hide under a rock and feel bad about myself until I am ‘fixed’… Like that’s gonna happen: acceptance and change is hard enough, doing that while beating myself up, under a rock: THAT sounds like a rock too big for Gd to move ; )

I’ve been stuck about these issues of allowing other’s judgment of me (especially ‘Authorities’ judgment... and punishment!) to be true for me, well, my whole life… But so much has shifted and changed and lightened and become easier in the last decade, this place of stuckness around judgment by ‘spiritual authorities’ has kinda stood out like a ‘sore thumb’ A place of obvious discomfort and darkness in my life; a life that I am generally allowing to be continually freer and easier…

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SO, I just had an ah-ha light bulb go off!
Tonight – AH-HA – TA-DA. I got some light on the subject, some insight, some traction! And already I experiencing shift.  
BBWWWAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAA (Happy Halloween! ; )

OK, this is what happened:
Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.

Let me back up and say 2 things:
- My partner Michael is amazing and wonderful. He, and also we, are up against some incredibly challenging, fear-inducing stuff. Fear is a very valid reaction under the circumstances, and generally he is doing a really Great job with it.
- If I am ‘owning’ my fear, I can handle it in my space. If I am not ‘owning’ my fear, if it is part of my ‘shadow’, I will experience it less (maybe much less or not at all), BUT those around me will get ‘hit’ with it more – it will radiate out around me. This helps me understand some really paradoxical experiences in my life: Why do folks think I am being a bitch when I think I am being nice? Why am I afraid of some people who seem to be gentle and kind?

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OK, so, Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.

It felt very uncomfortable to me and I thought – ugh. I don’t like this, I don’t need this on top of my stuff, I want one of us to go away so I can feel better and not have to deal with all this fear… 

And Ah-ha! I got it. THAT is what is going on with these people and groups that I feel especially uncomfortable with! They are not comfortable with whatever I am experiencing, or not wanting to experience in my space: hate, invalidation, competition, fear, whatever. It is hitting them in the places they are not healed yet, either; and ‘hooking’ them. They are HOOKED, so they are not happy in themselves and they are not happy with me for ‘CAUSING’ it! This is great news: this is just regular garden variety, every-time-we-turn-around energy action-reaction described above. They are HUMAN, they are annoyed because of their hooks, their unhealed parts. That’s the whole story – hallelujah.

I erroneously had it in my head, in my heart, that since these people and groups were ‘spiritually advanced’ therefore, the ‘problem’ couldn’t be THEM it must be ME! If they were annoyed I must be very, very bad and I better run to find my rock to hide under. But all of a sudden I could acknowledge that they are annoyed because of their own hooks. If they weren’t hooked, they wouldn’t be annoyed!!  

I have to say that one again: If they weren’t hooked, they wouldn’t be annoyed!! I am not especially BAD, I am just a normal human being filled with all kinds of energies, including hate, invalidation, competition, and fear – JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN – each in our own unique measures. Oh, what a relief!

This allows me to let go of loads of pressure that I have been carrying! It doesn’t matter who this person is who is judging me, it doesn’t matter how ‘spiritually evolved’ they seem, or how ‘spiritually capable’ they are. If they are judging me, it is their ‘problem’, not mine! Interaction with me is lighting up for them something they can allow Gd to heal, if they so choose. And if they don’t choose to let it go, it’s NOT MY FAULT. If they are suffering about their reaction to my energies, it is between them and Gd – it is not something for ME to suffer about!

And of course I don’t like uncomfortable reactions to me, but heck, I have tools for this! This is garden-variety, this is just more healing, like I am doing every day – I can handle this! When I don’t take it personally, when I don’t make up stories that I am ridiculously rotten, THEN I can get un-hooked quite easily. I can just ‘Let Go and Let God’!

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So, to finish the story…
One More Time: 
Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.
It felt very uncomfortable to me and I thought – ugh. I don’t like this, I don’t need this on top of my stuff, I want one of us to go away so I can feel better and not have to deal with all this fear… 
Then I had an Ah-HA moment, which as these things do, took a micro-second ; )
And because of that insight, I easily and almost immediately STOPPED resisting and judging him for his experience, and how he was not ‘owning’ his experience and therefore spewing FEAR ‘all over me’. And started releasing my own fear, and allowing love and acceptance instead. Again, almost immediately, my very uncomfortable reaction to his fear went away. And then, almost immediately, his fear stopped spewing out. It was that easy and that fast: healing happened in a few seconds… and he and I get to live in a different world than we had been living in before.

Hallelujah and Amen!

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Lastly, I find this interesting: a couple days ago, I had a cool interaction on FB which started with the Jung quote which begins: ‘We cannot change anything unless we accept it.’ (Posted below) Then, a friend brought up 'The Paradoxical Theory of Change':'When you hate something and you try to change it, it will never change. When you accept what you hate, change occurs spontaneously.' This reminded me of what I have been hearing from many folks since I was a teenager: ‘What we Resist, Persists’.

‘What we Resist, Persists’ is a principle which many have found to be true and useful, including myself. But I haven’t really understood WHY it is so? As I finish writing this sharing, I am finding that much of what I have written here seems to address this very issue: some of the reasons why judgment (competition), resistance, fear, hate, etc., directly block shift, change and healing from occurring in ourselves and others; and why letting go of these energies encourages healing and change, within and in the world.

Again: 
Hallelujah and Amen!


Peace, Love and Understanding, 
; ) w