Weebles wobble, but they don't stay down

I spent a lot of my adult life in depression,
or with big gnarly melancholy dominating my life on a regular basis.
Since I started my current soul work, that is all a memory.

I still go through Intense stuff, no worries!
But the challenges are from my real life, now, and handle-able.

More often and more uncomfortable 

is the stuff I am 'clearing' that feels rotten in my space.

But I Know and, by the use of my inner-tools, I ensure
that yuckiness is merely on its way up and out of my system.

The garbage truck is full of sound and fury,
sometimes it smells awful, and it is a really bad place to have a picnic! 
But unless I block/resist it, 

soon it is GONE, carrying all my rotten stuff along with it ; )

Again, this wasn't always the case!
For most of my life, all the crap was just Happening To Me! 

- ahhh - 

and I couldn't make it stop.

But for over a decade, I stand in a different place than I used to stand 

- this has made everything different:

I Know:
- the overwhelming emotions,
- the grinding thought patterns,
- the habits like Victim and Shy, and
- the set-points on 'low power' and 'give everything I can to others and not myself'…
no longer Dominate me, if I don't choose for them to do so.

I have experienced over and over:
I am a weeble: I wobble but I don't stay down ; )
I bounce right back up, in a minute, an hour, a day...

If it takes me longer to get up, I usually need a hand!
I Ask one of my healer friends to assist me to shift, or to hold my hand while I face my demons...
When I am Ready to Get Up, all I have to do is Ask and Receive!

This shift to Choosing My Inner Experience didn't happen because I am smart, or strong, or tenacious. 
I am blessed with those qualities, but that didn't help me for decades.

What helped me is learning and using Inner Tools, that give me leverage in my inner choices
AND learning and applying a few Distinctions (ways of seeing myself and the world) that serve me much better than my old belief-patterns.

I KNOW this soul process works when you work it.
I have seen it for myself and in so many others.

Blessings on your unique journey, Wendy

I happened to write about some of my beliefs and experience, yesterday.  I was encouraging a friend who was facing his own inner demons.  If you would like, read more here.

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Your Way through Darkness

You are spirit, you are precious to God and many others.
You are unstoppably on your path.
You are whole and complete, full of Light and Possibility.
Your conscious, palpable experience of this reality is growing.

You know these habits of thought and storehouses of feelings that plague you, 

are not you.

They are vestigial detritus,
the shadow that stands in the way of Light;
in the way of owning yourself, your body, your life, your world, and your amazing contribution in this reality.

You are so brave and tenacious in your healing, spiritual deepening, soul evolution;
especially as you engage in your cleansing process:

Allowing dark, ugly, heavy, viscous, vile energies/ pictures/ experiences/ identifications, habits...
- to rise from their shallow graves, as well as from from your core,
- to say hello to them, keeping your wisdom,
- to de-energize them - taking your power and efficacy back from them, and then
- to let them go: clearing them from your space forever: putting them to rest.

These dark energies and fixed way of being
have been the foundation you have been living your life upon.
But, as you move forward, your foundation is shifting.

Like Joshua, allow yourself to 

BE strong and courageous.

You are stopping being and identifying as a slave to anything and everything, inside or outside yourself.
You are stopping being and identifying as a wanderer: un-moored, impotent, disenfranchised, alien.
You are coming HOME, although you will need to Stand for it, OWN it.

You are continuing being and identifying as The Authority in your inner space: 
every step you take, owning back the land that is already yours.

You are learning and building muscle as you make war upon anything and everything that stands in your way.
Your ownership, your way, your truth, your light, your life, your reign, your dominion: 

inexorably, by any means necessary.

You are winning back your spiritual freedom, your free will, your greatest gift in this reality. 

Don Juan said:
The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior
is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge
while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.
― Carlos Castaneda

In your inner land:
Is IT happening to you, or are YOU happening to it?
This is the fundamental choice of your life, every moment.

This context is some of what supports me to keep moving
when I experience ambush 

by heavy, stuck, darkness.

Viktor Frankl pointed to this amazing truth for us humans:
we can bear any challenge, if we have meaning.

What is a big enough Truth
to hold you on your Way through darkness
until you break through to experience the reality of your Light and Life Abundant?

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All Manner of Things Shall be Well

On a forest road, off of Mountain Loop Highway:
my favorite Mountain area near Seattle,
a quick and easy connection to Momma Nature,

I got stuck in the snow, in my friend's RV.

I had been on this road, near its singular entrance, for 27 hours,
and had only seen one truck come and go.
I was now near the top of one of 3 branches of this road.

I tried many ways to release the RV from the snow:
digging,
rocking,
wedging branches behind the tires
… repeat.

The snow was like a sno-cone,
packed down hard after much thawing, freezing,
so that my big-self on my little-feet barely sank-in.

Which was convenient for walking around,
not so convenient for getting the RV free.
I grumbled to myself: 'Darn this front-wheel-drive RV, with it's weight is over the back tires!'

After the RV was not immediately released,
I had offered a quick mock-up (prayer), that I would shift out of this with ease,
and set restfully to work, without haste, without fear, without concern:

All will be well...
All is well.

This is just an adventure, of many adventures.

I met my friend David, about a dozen years ago, in Baja.
He loved to say at the time:
Adventures start when breakdowns occur.

Of course, he is right. 
And what a blessing to stand in that place.  A place of serendipity.
Life, God breaks-through and breathes new direction into my well-laid plans.

It is a joy to have the luxury of time.

So that a breakdown has the time/space/energy to be a joy, a blessing;
not a time to hold my breath while I am knocked off-kilter.

Usually my life feels like there is never! enough! time/space/energy,
and of course that is tied directly to money.
Breakdowns usually seem to mean a cascade of frustrations and disappointments.

In my life, I think this is one of the most undermining cycles that I get caught in:
the lie that there is not enough time/space/energy/money.
and that the answer is to rush! to try! harder!

As if scurrying and effort actually get me anywhere...

It was Wednesday afternoon in late-May, the least traveled time of the week in a National Forest,
at a time of year unpopular for summer-activities, as well as waning interest in winter-activities.
It crossed my mind that another vehicle may not come way up here, until the weekend.

I had plenty of supplies, so my only real concern was the cold,
for the RV was resting on and surrounded by snow.
I knew I could handle the cold, with the resources I had... possibly even comfortably.

Or... I could walk the many miles down to the 'main' road,
although it would be near the edge of my endurance.

So, I went about, doing what I could do,
working/playing with snow and the RV:
in peace, in contentment, in play and in comfortable challenge.

And a half-hour after I got stuck,
long before I was out of schemes to disengage myself from this rut I got myself into,
up the road came a truck.

I was pleasantly surprised!
And as I walked up to the truck and the party unfolded before me,
I knew that God was taking amazing care of me.

This 4-wheel drive truck had a sweet man driving,
with his wife sitting beside,
with two dogs romping out of the back,
and next a babe-in-arms emerging out of the cab.

I knew I was ok.
Even if it had been 4 guys in the truck, drinking beer and toting rifles (a more likely option out here).
I knew I was ok.

But my body/thoughts/emotions were a lot happier with this rescue party
I now found frolicking around me.
A family who lived 50 miles away, and hadn't been up here in months...

The guy had a four wheel drive,
a heavy-duty web that easily hooked to our vehicles,
and he did all the work.

It took no time,
and when we were done,
he would take no money, or food, or anything I offered.

It was a joy though, to repay the debt,
when (you can't make this stuff up) they got stuck in the same snow I did,
and I was right there to pull them out. 

Ha. God is Good.

God is so good to me! and
I rest in the gentle arms of Momma Nature.
This is always true, but often I don't notice.

Jesus said: 'when your eye is single, your whole body also is full of light.'
One of the things I love about being out in Momma Nature:
life is so simple, uncomplicated, singular, of human-scale.

I sleep.  I eat.  I do nothing.
I read.  I write.  I play with quotes.
I hike.  I play in a creek.  I lay on stones in the sun.

I daydream.  I vision.  I meditate.
I play with Spirit.  I savor Momma Nature.
I just be, I am.

In day-to-day life, there are so many layers of challenge.

As we all do, I have so many piles of to-dos,
so many people/places/things to manage.
I am a good juggler and yet, life is intense.

I enjoy being in Momma Nature
where I can let that all stand aside:
challenges are straightforward, uncomplicated, solvable.

In this scenario,
a need for a bit more friction under the front wheels,
or a little help from a gracious stranger.

Less then an hour after getting stuck in the snow,
I was off on a hike up the road through which I couldn't drive.
With my snowshoes on my back.

Slipping snowshoes on and off, as needed;
I climbed the gorgeous, increasingly snow-packed road for an hour,
all the way to its amazing end.

Enjoying the view.
Savoring the challenge.
Knowing more deeply that God is with me.

Knowing All is Well…
All Manner of Things Shall be Well.

When have you known God was taking really sweet care of you?  How has that changed your life?

.

spiritual senses

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Do We Have The Ability To Feel Others? www.youtube.com
- Prof. Ervin Laszlo talks with Rav Laitman about how feeling others is the mark of a higher consciousness that we need to achieve.


Wendy R Wolf
Yes, I agree, in addition to physical senses and abilities are spiritual senses and abilities. I find it encouraging to have these validated by folks from different backgrounds and religions.

In my tradition, we distinguish between different spiritual senses, including: spiritual physical feeling (including pressure, taste and touch); spiritual emotional and sexual information - where resides sympathy for example; spiritual affinity (experience of oneness) - where resides compassion and empathy; spiritual hearing and other communication information; spiritual sight; spiritual knowing.

We have distinguished, as we go along this list, information becomes more neutral, less body-focused & more spiritually-focused (for example, seeing spiritually can help me have more clear, neutral information about a relationship than perhaps utilizing my spiritual emotional or sexual information). So we practice the 'higher' senses, to access and enjoy clearer information, as well as clearer connection with God.

.

How can our experience of being alive, shift?

With Soul Evolution:
What might we be able to do?
How can things be different?

The leap into a spiritually-focused life can change everything.

Our new capacities that we access and build upon, shift our lives dramatically for the better, inside and out.  

Along our unique spiritual path we find support, connection and the true fulfillment of our deepest calling.  

We become more conscious, effective agents of change in our lives and in the world.

When you access the outcomes below with ease and consistency, how could it change your world?


1.  Turn glimpses of possibility and clarity into lasting change and sustained momentum

One of the universal challenges on the path of spiritual development and personal growth is converting our insights into lasting results.  

Despite hard work, glimmers of tremendous potential, and deepening awareness 

- and even periods of significant progress - 

many of us are frustrated by our tendency to slide back into old patterns.

This waning of consistency and commitment is natural.  

But when we are able to access our soul, 

we discover resources that are enduring and powerful enough to sustain our practices, 

truly embody new possibilities, 

and move us to act on what really matters to us.

Imagine tapping into a source of inspiration that so powerfully transcends the drives of our habitual self, 

that we just can't go back to the way things have been. 

With a larger perspective, and expanded internal resources, 

we become what we access in our most inspired moments. 

The result: 

an active, new-found momentum in our spiritual practices, in our lives, and in our highest aspirations in the world.

2.  Create deeper, more authentic relationships, and find community with others who share our values and aspirations

Stepping up to meaningful change in the world 

and to pioneer a new way of being human is an exciting and enlivening prospect, 

but it can also feel lonely out on the leading edge. 

When we surround ourselves with others who share a commitment to Soul Evolution, 

we can more easily overcome social gravity.

That's where evolutionary partnership with kindred spirits becomes useful. 

We can access deeply connected friendships and partnerships that serve us, and others.  

As a Soul Evolutionaries, we can both give and receive in conscious collaboration.


3.  Discover a spiritual practice that is relevant to our modern world and can be lived 24/7

Many people's spiritual longings are scarcely fulfilled by a half-hour-a-day meditation practice, 

and we wonder how to live spiritually when life's demands don't allow for extended retreats and pilgrimages.

And although traditional paths and practices have helped humans all along, 

many of us are not deeply served by them.

Soul Evolution practices are relevant to the complexities and challenges of modern life 

- an engaged, holistic approach that turns everyday life into a spiritual practice, 24/7.  

We don't sequester ourselves to prepare for a later return to living.  

It's spiritual life - in action - NOW.

When we step into Soul Evolution Practices, conscious living is part of the practice 

- how we relate to our experiences, situations, and other people. 

The result is a practical, grounded spirituality that has impact on ourselves and the world 

- and a daily life infused with meaning and purpose.

4. Learn how to defuse our physical-focus and undermining habits

Our habit of physical-focus is an obstacle 

when we are choosing to live a spiritually-focused life: 

conscious, awakened, enlightened, free.

When these unproductive habits and instincts run the show unconsciously, 

nothing really works the way we sense it could 

- not in our lives or in our world.

What's more, many spiritual and psychological disciplines have taught us that 

our human nature is fixed and must be accepted, 

offering little hope for anything more than "small change."

But the discovery of the soul self changes all that, 

offering a path beyond old patterns and ways of being,  

a path that is more direct than most of us can imagine. 

By aligning with the pure and powerful part of ourselves, 

we bypass outmoded impulses. 

We liberate ourselves from the religious and social programming of our world.

The drives toward survival, emotionality, stasis, 'being right', avoidance of truth and commitment... 

loose their grip on our lives. 

They don't go away, but they cease to be compelling. 

The voice of limitation no longer captures our attention; 

the temptation to play the victim loses its charge. 

With ourselves as spirit in the driver's seat, 

we are free to take creative healthy risks, 

lean into positive change, 

face truths with less resistance, and 

allow the flourishing of our highest human potential. 

5. Live our highest aspirations, wisdom and callings, even when we don't feel like it

From the soul self, we experience an un-linking of the bondage 

between our thoughts & feelings, and our choices & actions. 

We discover the liberation of our capacity to consciously align our self with Higher Consciousness.

Instead of being thrown off-course by strong feelings, 

we are informed by them and we can keep our course.  

You can give up the notion that "I couldn't help it."   

Emotions such as fear don't have to be obstacles to internal freedom and external action. 

This doesn't mean suppressing our feelings.  

We can feel all our feelings deeply - even more so - 

with an expanding care for the whole;

and still see clearly in the face of them. 

And, we learn to read our feelings more accurately 

and obtain the wisdom and data they contain... 

without getting sidetracked by them.

The result:  Better choices, commitment, and a life of integrity and presence.

Emotional and intellectual freedom 

is one of the most liberating and powerful transformations of Soul Evolution.  

Spiritual freedom is key.

6. "Draft" on the momentum and energy of evolution

When we don't seem to be getting the results our spiritual practices were intended to deliver, 

many of us begin to doubt that the ideals we once set out to manifest are even possible.  

Unfortunately, much of contemporary spiritual thought supports this reduced vision, 

suggesting we "call off the search" and accept that this is as good as it gets.  

One of the pitfalls most people don't even realize they're stuck in 

is a context for our spiritual work that's simply too small. 

An unfortunate byproduct of our individualistic culture 

is that spiritual growth is often seen as being strictly personal 

- for our own fulfillment, happiness, and enlightenment.

Entire generation has thus been earnestly working on themselves 

chiefly to obtain happier, more peaceful lives 

- and wondering why this doesn't catalyze significant change.

What if the purpose of a spiritual path includes us, but doesn't end with us? 

In Soul Evolution, we connect with the role our own progress plays in the great game of Soul Evolution 

- the way that, as evolving beings in an evolving universe, we can participate in the advancement of humanity and Consciousness itself.  

Our healing and transformation effects those around us, and beyond.

7. Find the resilience, perspective and genuine optimism to face the biggest challenges confronting humanity today

The Spiritual perspective helps us understand and navigate our problems and challenges more accurately, 

and offers a vantage-point that is the ultimate antidote to cynicism: 

we realize that everything can and will change.

The practices of Soul Evolution infuse us 

with resilience, inspiration, creativity, and energy. 

With spirit leading the charge, 

we're tapped into the limitless, positive and unstoppable momentum of the cosmos itself. 

Rather than take on issues alone, as individuals or even as a community, 

we're fueled by something much larger.

We can also take heart in the fact that by developing ourselves, 

we are "being the change" 

and doing perhaps the most important work of all:

contributing to a cultural and energetic shift 

that may ultimately instigate more improvement than tackling any one issue on its own.

-------------------------------------------

These are a few of the ways in which our experience of being alive can shift 

when we step into what is an evolutionary relationship to life 

- the fundamental shift in our orientation that is generated 

when we awaken this deeper part of our self as spirit and take the reins.

When we are able to cultivate these very real capabilities, 

we find that our deepest hopes and dreams 

for a comfortable self and a better world weren't a pipe dream after all. 

We learn that we can evolve what it is to be human 

- not modestly, but radically - 

in a way that not only better serves our work, families and lives, 

but fulfills on the highest promise of humanity's potential.

Soul Evolution, take the next step.

The Blessing of Embodiment

Days Like This - Van Morrison

When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there'll be days like this

When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When it's nobody's business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there'll be days like this

When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this
Oh my mama told me

this reminds me of the famus poem in Ecclesiastes, which also became many songs, this one famous

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8, YLT

To everything -- a season, and a time to every delight under the heavens:

A time to bring forth, And a time to die.
A time to plant, And a time to eradicate the planted.

A time to slay, And a time to heal,
A time to break down, And a time to build up.

A time to weep, And a time to laugh.
A time to mourn, And a time to skip.

A time to cast away stones, And a time to heap up stones.
A time to embrace, And a time to be far from embracing.

A time to seek, And a time to destroy.
A time to keep, And a time to cast away.

A time to rend, And a time to sew.
A time to be silent, And a time to speak.

A time to love, And a time to hate.
A time of war, And a time of peace.

I have been speaking to a friend quite a bit lately about how the needs and experience of the body is an important aspect of our life on this planet and our spiritual growth. 

Yes, we are spirit in a body. 

And yes, it is very important to honor our spiritual perspective, our spiritual growth, our spiritual communication, information, senses, abilities and gifts... 

to grow into our spiritual power, creativity and seniority.

In the circles I run in, the spiritual focus gets a lot of 'airtime' as well as practice and focus, as well it should! 

Because the world we live in (our families, our society, our churches, our friends, our jobs, our culture...) 

is almost 100% physically-focused, almost 100% of the time. 

It serves us  to find our spiritual center and hold it, 

which, like riding a bike, is EASY once we get it, 

and looks like falling down A LOT, until until we get it ; )

Personally, I don't know almost anyone who holds that spiritual center easily, yet. 

I am fortunate to play with folks who are, 

(as Paul of the Christian bible says) being diligent (other versions say: earnest endeavour, labour, hasten, strong desire, strive) 

"to enter into that rest".

And amoung us, it is easy to give short-shrift to our bodies; 

even as we focus on being spirit IN A BODY. 

The theory goes, we are here in a body, to learn,to grow, to evolve. 

The end of the evolution is, to become Masters (as our fore-runners, Ascended Masters like Lao-Tzu, Buddha, Jesus...). 

What is interesting to me is, we are ALL spirit, a part of Gd; 

what sets us souls apart: 

we who are still here on the Earth, 

we are not yet experiencing REST as the center of our being. 

I have noticed the Masters have ALL learned what we have not: 

to have the body in alignment - come into joyful, easful alignment with Spirit. 

Each of the Ascended Masters learned to love their embodied life and embody their spiritual path. 

 The Masters mastered the Earth game - so they are onto new games. 

(This makes them AWESOME friends, healers, guides for US, BTW ; )

I don't want to miss this point: 

We are ALREADY spirit, 

all the riches and beauty of all time and space are already ours. 

We are already ONE with Gd and with ALL. 

The POINT of the earth game is not to be spirit, or to be spiritual: 

the Point of being in a body, is to learn to be spirit in BODY. 

To comfortably master:
- surviving and thriving in this reality;
- dancing with our emotions and the flow of our sexuality;
- holding our power and directing our will;
- savoring our connection with the Earth, our relationship between us as spirit and our bodies, our connections with all our relations, our oneness with Gd, All That Is;
- creating the stories we live in and enjoying our communication with all within us and around us;
- being the Light on the Mountaintop: seeing and being seen clearly, staying with the Body as a Light in the world;

- being still here now with - and Knowing God, our Source - our truth, life, light, love, way...

and walking IN this, REALizing Spirit in our World.

.

We are not just humans learning to become Buddhas, 

but also Buddhas waking up in human form, 

learning to become fully human. 

These two tracks of development can mutually enrich each other. 

~John Welwood

Open to Spirit, Receive the Desires of your Heart

.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4

I woke up this morning with this scripture on my mind. In it, I hear:

Delighting in Gd/Spirit for me is consciously opening to the yumminess, wholeness, connection with All That Is.
This delight is always available and showering upon each of us.

I can walk around with a golf umbrella & pea coat and galoshes and resist it, eschew it
OR I can strip-off all that armor and ALLOW myself to be filled and fulfilled in this deep, spiritual relationship and energetic wholeness.

This place of delightful connection with the Universe IS the place where ALL the desires of my heart are met.
The one cannot be separated from the other.

And that is enough - way more than enough.

Meanwhile... when my needs are fulfilled within, I vibrate in a different way. 

When i have what i need within, i resonate with a new way of being 

and I attract a new life around me, as well. 

Striving, effort, trying at this outwardly focused level is counter-productive; 

but fortunately when manifesting from the inside out: 

I can let go of grasping because my needs are already met. 

At the same time, I can ALLOW the desires of my heart to come to me.

I have found this is a process that is very exciting adventure, with no end... 

with many gifts, as well as many challenges

best, 
; ) wendy

.

Avoiding burnout: as clergy, healers, etc

.

In my spiritual tradition, we have many beliefs & practices which assist us with avoiding burnout, 

I will name 2:

.
*  It is a necessity for Healers to focus on self-healing:  

It is SO MUCH easier to focus on helping others 

than to quietly face my own brokenness and pain... 

It is a mighty temptation to go around wanting to inspire and heal others, 

without first and continually allowing Gd to inspire and heal me.  

Meanwhile, if I don't allow myself to be healed, 

my unhealed areas (think 'shadow') 

are likely to come around and bite me, as well as others ; )

.
* “It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.” - St Francis  

Similar to "Be the change you want to see in the world."

We believe the more we are consciously in alignment with Gd, 

and allowing Gd to clean out what is not in alignment with Gd, 

as well as fill us with blessings: 

it assists others to do the same. 

SO we practice quiet time with Gd every day 

and believe it is our most important work in supporting others with their own deepening in Gd. 

Every day we experience our wholeness in Gd, 

and receive our 'marching orders' regarding care of ourselves, 

as well as needed focus in our lives and our ministry.

.
blessings to all who serve, may we find and keep balance,

Letting Go of Controlling Others

.
Something that is very misunderstood in our society, IMOe:
There are body feelings /emotions -> body communication,
as opposed to the spiritual feelings/soul expereince you are vibrating at -> spiritual communication.

I believe Abraham is unclear about this distinction, which leads to confusion and unhappiness, IMOe.
Please keep this distinction in mind, as you understand and integrate the wisdom below:

"
A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled
— so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good —
leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior.

We would like to help you to understand that
neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior,
nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior,
is actually the reason that you feel good or bad.

The way you feel is only ever about
your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you.
It is only your relationship with the Source within you
that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.

While it is nice to find things in your physical environment
that enhance your good-feeling;
alignment with your Inner Being,
your understanding of why you feel good,
will make it possible for you to feel good regardless of the behavior of others.

Understanding that the way you feel is really about
your Vibrational Relationship with your Inner Being — with the Source within you...
gives you complete empowerment and absolute freedom.
"

- Abraham-Hicks (WRW added white-space)

Finding Freedom from Judgment

.

I just had an ah-ha light bulb go off!

Here’s the background:

I have encountered different people and groups who don’t feel comfortable with folks who are ‘healing’. And by ‘healing’ I mean – in process: still releasing or potentially releasing all kinds of yucky stuff: hate, invalidation, competition, fear, etc

I am still in process, still healing, and there are people and groups that I feel especially uncomfortable with, because I know they perceive my brokenness / darkness / evil and I don’t feel accepted and loved because of that. In their presence I get a more intense story that I ‘should’ be better, different, healed already! I am not OK, just as I am, and just as I’m not…

Now, of course, because I am still in the healing and acceptance process, I have all these stories anyway – I want to hide under a rock and I don’t feel good about myself as I am, in some deep yucky levels of my system. This is all MY stuff.

But SOME people and groups assist me to want to hide MORE and not feel good about myself MORE. This is my reaction to THEIR stuff on top of MY stuff.

I like to tell my students:

- Sometimes I walk in to a room and feel more warm, beautiful, charming and loved - YUM! This is likely energy bouncing back and forth with others and mirroring back to me things, for example, like validation from them to me (i.e. I’m ok, it’s ok)

- Sometimes I walk into a room and feel all of a sudden like a fat, stupid cow, and my Mother dresses me funny - YUCK! There are a few options about what could be going on, one is: this could be energy bouncing back and forth with others and mirroring back to me things like invalidation from them to me (i.e. I’m not ok, it’s not ok). Their invalidation bounces into MY own invalidation in my own system and hits/hurts/hooks. My own crap is mirrored back at me, seemingly from outside, and more painful because of that!  
..........- Meanwhile, the more I heal, the less this is an issue, because as I let go of invalidation in my system, their invalidation doesn’t hit/hurt/hook me – it just sails right through my system. This is part of why things like: ‘healing yourself heals the world’ and ‘be the change you want to see in the world’, and ‘don’t walk anywhere to preach unless your walking IS your preaching’ matter so much. This is part of why Spiritual Masters are such a healing influence in the world, and such a healing to be near: they don’t reflect back our shit (because they aren’t holding on to it) – it sails right through! They reflect back our Beauty and Wholeness – and so we can more easily allow our Beauty and Wholeness to BE. 
...........- AND Meanwhile, as long as I have a standard-issue human body, I am likely to have a little or a lot of invalidation 'lying around' in my space, and opportunities to let go of invalidation and many other kinds of ‘hooks’ in my system. Learning to let go of hooks will remain a game I have the opportunity to play: one of the healing games ; )

A couple interesting things to note about this illustration:

- Jesus spoke about ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ If I hold judgment (competition) in my space, I will not only judge others but also judge myself – there is no way around it. All the energy in our system, in this case judgment, is a two-way street! If I want to experience the world as safe, easy, joyful, I must let go of things like judgment, otherwise I will never allow myself to fully enjoy the grace, peace, freedom of Gd.  

- More about energy in the system being a two-way street: The more I allow the spiritual fruits into my life, and allow the intellectual and emotional and other energetic ‘garbage’ out of my system, of course it is more comfortable for me to BE myself and PLAY in the world. Also it is A LOT easier for OTHERS to be with me and play with me, as well.

These shifts may seem simple to say, and sometimes harder to do, but I believe PERCEIVING/VALIDATING where the issues are (one could call this acknowledging Truth) and CHOOSING to allow change (one could call this allowing Grace ; ) gets me a great chunk of the way there. We have a lot more power than we may think, and a lot more spiritual help than we may acknowledge! And I am blessed to utilize spiritual techniques that totally ROCK for supporting me to make these kinds of changes! 

And of course, I am still learning and growing. As I said above, sometimes I still give my power away when I experience judgment: especially with ‘very spiritual’ or ‘consciously psychic’ folks. I tell myself things like this:
- They know BETTER THAN ME who I ‘should’ be and what I ‘should’ do. I should listen to them, not myself and Gd…
- Oh, their judgment really is valid, I really DO SUCK. I should go back and hide under a rock and feel bad about myself until I am ‘fixed’… Like that’s gonna happen: acceptance and change is hard enough, doing that while beating myself up, under a rock: THAT sounds like a rock too big for Gd to move ; )

I’ve been stuck about these issues of allowing other’s judgment of me (especially ‘Authorities’ judgment... and punishment!) to be true for me, well, my whole life… But so much has shifted and changed and lightened and become easier in the last decade, this place of stuckness around judgment by ‘spiritual authorities’ has kinda stood out like a ‘sore thumb’ A place of obvious discomfort and darkness in my life; a life that I am generally allowing to be continually freer and easier…

.
SO, I just had an ah-ha light bulb go off!
Tonight – AH-HA – TA-DA. I got some light on the subject, some insight, some traction! And already I experiencing shift.  
BBWWWAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAA (Happy Halloween! ; )

OK, this is what happened:
Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.

Let me back up and say 2 things:
- My partner Michael is amazing and wonderful. He, and also we, are up against some incredibly challenging, fear-inducing stuff. Fear is a very valid reaction under the circumstances, and generally he is doing a really Great job with it.
- If I am ‘owning’ my fear, I can handle it in my space. If I am not ‘owning’ my fear, if it is part of my ‘shadow’, I will experience it less (maybe much less or not at all), BUT those around me will get ‘hit’ with it more – it will radiate out around me. This helps me understand some really paradoxical experiences in my life: Why do folks think I am being a bitch when I think I am being nice? Why am I afraid of some people who seem to be gentle and kind?

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OK, so, Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.

It felt very uncomfortable to me and I thought – ugh. I don’t like this, I don’t need this on top of my stuff, I want one of us to go away so I can feel better and not have to deal with all this fear… 

And Ah-ha! I got it. THAT is what is going on with these people and groups that I feel especially uncomfortable with! They are not comfortable with whatever I am experiencing, or not wanting to experience in my space: hate, invalidation, competition, fear, whatever. It is hitting them in the places they are not healed yet, either; and ‘hooking’ them. They are HOOKED, so they are not happy in themselves and they are not happy with me for ‘CAUSING’ it! This is great news: this is just regular garden variety, every-time-we-turn-around energy action-reaction described above. They are HUMAN, they are annoyed because of their hooks, their unhealed parts. That’s the whole story – hallelujah.

I erroneously had it in my head, in my heart, that since these people and groups were ‘spiritually advanced’ therefore, the ‘problem’ couldn’t be THEM it must be ME! If they were annoyed I must be very, very bad and I better run to find my rock to hide under. But all of a sudden I could acknowledge that they are annoyed because of their own hooks. If they weren’t hooked, they wouldn’t be annoyed!!  

I have to say that one again: If they weren’t hooked, they wouldn’t be annoyed!! I am not especially BAD, I am just a normal human being filled with all kinds of energies, including hate, invalidation, competition, and fear – JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN – each in our own unique measures. Oh, what a relief!

This allows me to let go of loads of pressure that I have been carrying! It doesn’t matter who this person is who is judging me, it doesn’t matter how ‘spiritually evolved’ they seem, or how ‘spiritually capable’ they are. If they are judging me, it is their ‘problem’, not mine! Interaction with me is lighting up for them something they can allow Gd to heal, if they so choose. And if they don’t choose to let it go, it’s NOT MY FAULT. If they are suffering about their reaction to my energies, it is between them and Gd – it is not something for ME to suffer about!

And of course I don’t like uncomfortable reactions to me, but heck, I have tools for this! This is garden-variety, this is just more healing, like I am doing every day – I can handle this! When I don’t take it personally, when I don’t make up stories that I am ridiculously rotten, THEN I can get un-hooked quite easily. I can just ‘Let Go and Let God’!

.
So, to finish the story…
One More Time: 
Michael came out of his office radiating FEAR.
It felt very uncomfortable to me and I thought – ugh. I don’t like this, I don’t need this on top of my stuff, I want one of us to go away so I can feel better and not have to deal with all this fear… 
Then I had an Ah-HA moment, which as these things do, took a micro-second ; )
And because of that insight, I easily and almost immediately STOPPED resisting and judging him for his experience, and how he was not ‘owning’ his experience and therefore spewing FEAR ‘all over me’. And started releasing my own fear, and allowing love and acceptance instead. Again, almost immediately, my very uncomfortable reaction to his fear went away. And then, almost immediately, his fear stopped spewing out. It was that easy and that fast: healing happened in a few seconds… and he and I get to live in a different world than we had been living in before.

Hallelujah and Amen!

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Lastly, I find this interesting: a couple days ago, I had a cool interaction on FB which started with the Jung quote which begins: ‘We cannot change anything unless we accept it.’ (Posted below) Then, a friend brought up 'The Paradoxical Theory of Change':'When you hate something and you try to change it, it will never change. When you accept what you hate, change occurs spontaneously.' This reminded me of what I have been hearing from many folks since I was a teenager: ‘What we Resist, Persists’.

‘What we Resist, Persists’ is a principle which many have found to be true and useful, including myself. But I haven’t really understood WHY it is so? As I finish writing this sharing, I am finding that much of what I have written here seems to address this very issue: some of the reasons why judgment (competition), resistance, fear, hate, etc., directly block shift, change and healing from occurring in ourselves and others; and why letting go of these energies encourages healing and change, within and in the world.

Again: 
Hallelujah and Amen!


Peace, Love and Understanding, 
; ) w

is 'service' spirituality?

I participate in a 'spiritual list'. Currently there is a big conversation going on about the importance of ‘service’ in our spiritual life – here is what I posted:

*******

I completely hear you about the value of loving in palpable ways – in my tradition, love is defined through:

• reality (real on the physical, in ways that are real for the body)

• affinity (an experience of our actual spiritual oneness) and

• communication.

Love is not about concepts, thoughts, especially not about feelings, or sex!


I am in agreement that service and giving are fruits (end products) of our spiritually-focused life – although what service looks like may not Always live up to expectations.

Although I appreciate posts reminding us of the value of love/service/giving/etc as priorities in the spiritual life, I am not in agreement.

I used to believe in the centrality of these activities.

I no longer see them as spiritual behavior per se (in themselves)

*

I see spiritual behavior as (non-exclusively, but fundamentally)

1) spiritually receiving information and energy from Gd.

2) being/doing in the direction of my true self, in alignment with Gd – both within my own system and in my interaction with the world.


I believe the Spiritual Masters did/do this.

I am on my path to do this and I encourage my students to do this.

Doing this is More than enough to fill my plate!


Sometimes it may look like serving the poor, or serving the rich, or serving myself…

Sometimes this may be on another continent, or in the wild places, or in the city, or in my own family (ug!)…

Sometimes it may look like a perfectly ‘normal’ life, or living as a hermit, or as a ‘star’, or as an impoverished wanderer…


An example, Jesus referenced in Luke 7 (YLT) different ways one can be led to live a dedicated spiritual life, and how this often jives (not!) with social/religious expectations (requirements!):

And the Lord said, 'To what, then, shall I liken the men of this generation? and to what are they like? they are like to children, to those sitting in a market-place, and calling one to another, and saying, We piped to you, and ye did not dance, we mourned to you, and ye did not weep! 'For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and ye say, He hath a demon; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and ye say, Lo, a man, a glutton, and a wine drinker, a friend of tax-gatherers and sinners…

*

I invest a good deal of my time with my students to assist them to see and release ‘nice pictures’ and ‘ethics’ as well as ‘religious programming’ – and other concepts/beliefs/attachments/energy of that ilk – the kinds of ‘pictures’ that encourage the love/service/giving/etc we are talking about.

From my perspective, these concepts serve us on the physical level – they help the body be comfortable with others, grease the wheels of society and political systems, etc

But, from my perspective, they do not serve us spiritually.

I will say again, IMO, as a rule: being Nice, following morals and ethics, as well as general religious information do not serve us spiritually.

From my perspective, it is our job as spirit to listen (spiritually hear, see, know, whatever) to the ‘still, small voice’ which says ‘this is the way, walk ye in it’


Sometimes the voice will say go left, sometimes right.

Sometimes we will be called to do/be what others (and ourselves) agree with (oh, you are so, wise, smart, loving, caring, giving, etc).

Sometimes disagree with (oh you are such a sinner, evil, rotten, selfish, etc)

Doesn’t matter.


Sure our bodies don’t usually like going against our social and religious programming.

But we take care of our bodies, love them, retrain them – they learn to enjoy and profit from going the way of Gd instead of the way of the world… by and large…

In the old days, following our spiritual information could get us dead, imprisoned, etc – and there are times and places it still can – but usually not.

Often it leads us to the dreaded Social Ostracizing – which Feels like potential death for many of us – and most of us try to avoid this like the plague!

(in my tradition we call these ‘death pictures’, they are very valid experiences in our space – and they can be seen and released… yes, there is a theme here ; )


Our spiritual freedom is a gift from Gd.

It is a gift that our society tries to steal (pretty much) every minute of every day.

It is a gift, IMO/E, I do best to re-own and hold onto with both hands – so I am free to be my unique self in the world, and to follow my unique spiritual path. In this way I best love and serve Gd and best love and serve my neighbor, as well best love and serve my self.

*

In my tradition, On A Spiritual Level, we believe strongly in personal responsibility. Not as a punishment or competition - but as a gift! (free will, always, and again)

I Cannot do stuff for anyone else (helping them) on the spiritual level, although I can assist if they choose to do it themselves.

I Cannot heal anyone but myself (of course together with Gd, and the mighty spiritual forces I am aligned with), although I can assist if they choose to do it themselves.

(Trying to do these things For others is a great way for me to lose energy, health, joy, life… and make a very small difference in the world - > been there, got the T-shirt ; )


But, the up side is: the more I allow Gd to heal Me, the higher I allow my vibration to go, the more I learn to own my space, my path, my power, my spiritual abilities, my relationship with Gd and the many spiritual friends available… The more others around me do these same things for themselves.

I learn new tricks, it is easier for them to learn new tricks…

This is not just theory to me – I have watched it happen, over and over and over.

*

I invested my 20’s working in non-profits. I have seen first hand so many examples of how ‘good’ is done with the right hand, while ‘evil’ is done with the left.

I have spent a lot of time with spiritual people and do-gooders (as I am one myself!) And it is interesting to watch our shadows playing in our ‘good works’ (we see it on this spiritual board with almost every post, except our own!)


One of my dearest and longest friends, as an example, is the most sweet, caring, giving, loving, spiritual people one would ever want to meet. She does many good works and makes my life and many lives around her So much better. And at the same time, she has a big streak of meanness/hate/cruelty running right down the middle. She doesn’t see it, most folks don’t see it – but it creeps out and does ‘evil’ – like the snap of a whip.

I am not bringing this up to judge my friend (and I have similar shadow stuff myself, of course!), but to point to the absolute necessity of allowing Gd to heal us, deeper and deeper. This is of primary importance before going out to ‘save the world’, IMO. Because if we don’t, the ‘good’ we mean to do, can sometimes (often?) come in a dung wrapper.

*

If I am doing stuff, even obviously ‘good’ stuff, but I am doing it because I think it is a good idea, or the ethics I was trained in says it is a good idea, or I am compulsively trying to look or be good, or earn karma-points, etc (anything other than: Gd told me to do it, here, now).

Then there is a chance that my ‘helping’ could be hurting.

There is a very good chance that my ‘helping’ isn’t helping.

There is an almost definite chance that I am diverting time/energy from the unique contribution I could be making, that possibly only *I* could be making, that it is my blessed opportunity to be doing in the world right now.

I am missing that opportunity and the huge and multiplied effect that my service may have in the world for others…

*

That’s enough
Random thoughts, quickly typed, full of holes
But meant to point in a direction, which I hope can be of service to some.
Thanks for ‘listening’.

**********************

a further conversation about service and spirituality:
(questions in italics, my responses follow)


*

Now whether you agree/disagree with what my premise is (service to others is true love manifestation) ... that’s an entirely different conversation and one that I would like to have.

Generally, and on an everyday level, I agree that there is a high correlation between what looks like ‘service’ and ‘true love manifestation’. But I believe sometimes ‘true love manifestation’ may sometimes not look like ‘service’ to some, maybe many.

Jesus cleared the temple, he verbally chewed up Pharisees and spit them out (and that is putting it very kindly), I believe this was ‘true love manifestation’. Does it look like service to you? Did it look like service to them?

Many times ‘true love manifestation’ looks to me like leaving someone alone. Not helping. This is a very hard thing to do. Does that look like service to you? Does it feel like service to them?
(Believe me I am a big ol’ healer / helper – please let me help! Leaving them alone is ‘service’ in my book ; )

IMO, it is best, on a spiritual level to un-collapse these two ideas, so I can be free of my concepts (baggage/compulsions) about what love is, and what service looks like. And therefore act in what (according to my spiritual information) seems to be a beneficial way.

*

You are not in agreement that service/giving are priorities in a spiritual life. Do you mean that they are not "the" priority? Or do you mean that they aren't any priority whether it be a small or big one?

Thanks allowing me to clarify, from my perspective – service is the fruit, not the sunshine, water, dirt.

Service comes out of our spiritual life – it is the cart not the horse, imo.

AND, service may not even look like service to most folks, although often it will...

*

I understand that we each go thru personal spiritual development and what’s true for me is not true for you (i.e. we are each on our own path).

Agreed.

*
Some are messengers, some are teachers, some are masters, some are students ... and all of these individuals have great purpose.

Agreed

*

But if we're talking about truly living in spirit ... being one with light ... having Christ consciousness ... reaching love manifestation ... what do you think the characteristics of such individuals are/have been?

I believe each Master has a very unique manifestation, focus and energies – as we each do.

And of course they share things in common.

*

What are their priorities?

Oh, that is like a whole book, if I try to think about it…

I ask God and I see a picture that looks like: being one with the Light, like being in a waterfall of light, very bright – aligned with Source, as well as grounded in the physical world.

From my perspective, How that manifests on the physical, again, is completely unique, to each of them, and for each of us…


On a spiritual level, I see how it manifests; it spiritually looks like clouds, or waves, billowing out from the Master, in all directions (when the waterfall hits bottom it plumes out...). From my perspective, it is the energy billowing out that matters most, Not any particular way it looks on the physical…

On the physical - Peach trees make peaches, plum tress make plums. They just do it , no effort, no shoulds, no agenda, no try. It is like falling off a log – and there is fruit ; )

*

Christ taught, he spoke, he did miracles. In teaching he filled the hearts of many. In speaking he brought hope to many. In performing miracles he was an example of breaking the shackles of this world to many. But it was in his actions with the poor, the sick, the helpless and the discarded ... did he show the many.

Jesus, from my perspective, did a whole lot of NONE of that for ~ 30 years.
Three decades is a Very Long Time.
He was Jesus the Christ and he did relatively nothing of note for ~10/11ths of his whole entire human life!

I believe out of (from, because of) his quiet, non-obviously miraculous/healing/serving/inspirational/freedom-producing/demon-casting/etc 30 years, he was ready for public ministry.
Before that, not-so-much…

He did his work, deepened in himself and in the Father, increased in Knowledge and Power, etc.
He was centered in who he was and what God had him to do. Then and only then did he go out to serve… as he was led/called to do, not just any ol' thing!

Even then, in the last ~ 3 years of his life, he was constantly moving away from the crowds. He consistently sought out the quiet, if he had to at night, to be with the Father, to do his spiritual work – or else he couldn’t have done what he did.

Great fruit. Amazing fruit. Fruit comes in its season, not before.

*

That’s my opinion – thanks for asking!
; ) w

My Ordination Speech

.
Hi Friends,

Yesterday I enjoyed another ordination day at CDM. I couldn't believe it has been 6 months since I was up there on stage. Last Spring, I was chosen to speak for my class on Ordination day (after 2 year Clairvoyant training program) and I did it kicking and screaming - but in the end it was a healing and a blessing. I had wanted to share my speech, as a way to give a glimpse of why I am out here in Seattle and how I am investing my life these days. But, my life has been pretty intense since May, mostly for personal/relational reasons, so I didn't get a round tuit.

But, I feel inspired to share it now. The speech is below, if you are interested. I use a lot of lingo, because most everyone I was speaking to uses it - but most of what I say is generally understandable, I think. It was more animated, fun and interesting in person and in context of the whole ceremony - but, hey it is what it is ; )

Since I finished Seminary, I had several weeks off from official training at CDM, then I started the Teaching program in mid-August - where I am continuing my growth and healing, learning to present spiritual information and energetic techniques with neutrality, compassion and amusement, and assistant teaching our basic mediation and healing classes. I expect to be certified to teach our 4 basic classes this June or next January - depending on my work schedule and such - it is usually a 14 month program ; )

Enjoyable blessings in the New Year!
In life, Wendy


Wendy's Ordination Speech for June 26, 2005


Spiritual Freedom

I have been asked to say a few words about being a CDM minister.

Now, defining what it is to be a CDM minister doesn't seem to be a simple thing, so let me start with what it is not. A teacher (Dr Bruce Morgan) who influenced me a lot before coming to CDM, used to say that "Most churches want to make us into cookie-cutter-Christians, who all look alike, talk alike, act alike, and if they have to cut off your arms and legs to fit in the mold - so be it"

Well, thank Gd, here at CDM we are committed to spiritual freedom - I've kind of become attached to my arms and legs, thank you very much. We don't always do it perfectly, but spiritual freedom is our stated goal and direction as a community and individually. This is a huge and wonderful, and usually challenging goal. But the rewards are sweet.

But this made it a challenge for me when asked to say a few words about what it is to be a CDM minister. We are all so different, unique - and that IS the point. So what is it to be a CDM minister?

This was annoying for my analyzer, I will tell you. But, eventually I had to look at the question as spirit - foreign concept, I know. And this is what I noticed about CDM ministers.

We are Spirit

We have a profound experience of ourselves as spirit and others as spirit over an extended period of time. An experience of being responsible for owning and managing our own energy systems, an experience of our connection with the Gd of our heart, an experience of consciously co-creating in our own lives - and watching others do the same.

We actively participate in a process - over an extended period of time - in which we receive all kinds of information and support and modeling and then the opportunity to practice, practice, practice.

Reading

One of the main practices is doing psychic readings.

Now, I did not come to CDM to become a psychic reader - I came to heal.
But, I knew the CDM Clairvoyant program was where I needed to do that - so, I did readings.

I will tell you plainly that I hated it - I really hated it.
I had so much invalidation and doubt and self-judgment and perfect pictures, etc in my space that it was a real drag. I couldn't stand attention - any attention - I was not ok, how I looked was not ok, what I did was not ok. Reading felt like being put in the spotlight - I had to start saying what I saw. How could what I had to say have any value for people? Not fun for Wendy, I'll tell you.

And although, over time, I cleared (and continue to clear) the pain and programming, the invalidation and doubt, the competition and lack of seniority in my own space, the resistance and many other things that made reading so challenging for me, it remained a challenge until almost the end
of the program. People would say, oh you are a great reader, and believe me it helped - but I really didn't believe it. And over time, the joy and energy and healing, the giving and receiving I experienced in readings started to slowly become larger than all the discomfort.

It was sometime the beginning of this year that I started looking forward to reading. For other people I understand this happens A LOT sooner, but it wasn't until my final quarter - almost 2 years into the program - that I really WANTED to read. NOW I understand why people come here to read WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO.

Reading is magic. I walk in an ordinary person and get to participate in a sacred dance - in which everyone there is validated and healed - everyone walks out changed. It is an incredible experience - some readings are more exciting or mundane, confronting or fun than others - but it is an incredible gift to be a part of them now.

And now I love doing student readings, I especially love being a center chair. This is funny because I was so afraid to be center chair - I felt like it was too much responsibility, I wasn't powerful enough or good enough to do it. Every step along the way I fought and resisted - I assumed everything would keep getting harder - who needed that aggravation?

But, now I can tell you it is an honor and a blessing to be center chair. I really enjoy having seniority in the room, making sure it is safe and high energy for everyone. Knowing more and more what is going on in that room and with everyone in it, and increasingly owning my power in a way that makes a positive difference there. I love playing and learning and healing with my side chairs, and enjoying their process and progress along with my own. I won't say I never get nervous or self-conscious anymore, but it is no longer my primary experience - in readings, or in my life.
That's huge.

Practice

So, as CDM ministers, we have the incredible opportunity to look at hundreds of different people over an extended period of time, to validate them as spirit, validate their co-creations and assist them change. We get to see the uniqueness of each spirit and the journey we are each choosing. We also get to see how many things we have in common as humans together on this planet.

As CDM ministers we have the experience of owning healing and change for ourselves and assisting many, many others in their healing journeys, over an extended period of time. We get to practice having our own space while we assist others healing.

When people become black belts or pilots or massage therapists, they have a lot of information and a lot of experience - this is a great accomplishment and some see them as having arrived. But the masters know, they are being validated for mastering the basics and they are getting a license to
continue learning - an opportunity to go out and practice.

Becoming a CDM minister seems similar. We receive an over-abundance of information, support, modeling and a whole lot of opportunity to practice.  We do this over an extended period of time - until it changes our habits, our abilities, our way of seeing and interacting with the world. For
myself, I can say "I am Spirit - a part of Gd, I have a body and I have co-creations in the world" and believe it and act in accordance with that, more and more.

So, as CDM ministers we have been changed over time. We become ministers and enter the next phase of our spiritual journey, like so many before us.  And, every day, every moment we have the choice whether or not to consciously manifest as spirit in the world - as does everyone. That is the whole game. We manifest as spirit in the world. By doing this, we change, the world changes. That is what it means to me to be a CDM minister. Maybe it is simple after all.

Personal Healing

To be more personal, there was some personal healing I absolutely needed in my life. I looked high and low, all over the country for a place to heal myself. When I finally found CDM, it felt like home.  There were 5 things I consciously wanted out of my Seminary experience. There isn't enough time to tell you about these things in depth, but I did want to validate - and I got them and so much more:
* I wanted personal healing, on all levels;
* I wanted to become a healer with good boundaries;
* I wanted to learn to own my own power in a positive way;
* I wanted to receive validation and learn to self-validate;
* and I wanted to increase my havingness and learn to consciously co-create good things in my life.

I have received these things and, of course it is a P word - a process, but the process is in motion and I am proud of the progress.

Being an Adult

Besides the 5 things I consciously wanted out of my seminary experience, I have received so many other gifts and insights and growth and change - I can't begin to tell you.

I can say that for me, going through this program has been about becoming an adult:
* Being able to stand on my own two feet,
* To own my own space and my own reality,
* To appreciate this great body I have and this amazing opportunity for life on this planet,
* to own the life I have co-created and know that I have the opportunity to co-create my future as spirit.

I now have a way of seeing and understanding my life and the world that works for me. This is huge. I have a useful place to stand, to know who I am and what is important in this world is something I always wanted and needed - but never found for any significant period of time. I made myself
miserable in my early life yearning for and searching for the meaning of life and how best to live it. I lived with this lack of useful, cogent world-view for a long time and then learned to live without it. But now, my life makes sense, the world makes sense, my experiences make sense. I have a very firm rock on which to build my life, this is a great comfort and joy.

I wish similar gifts for anyone who wants them, I highly recommend CDM as a path to Center.

Thanks for all the Fish

And so it is with profound gratefulness that I stand before you today as a member of the Church of Divine Man.

On behalf of myself and all the seminary students I would like to thank the board, the staff, the members, and everyone who walks through the door, for everything we have had the opportunity to give and receive here.

I would like to thank my fellow students, past and present, for who you are, and who you are to me, and who you let me be for you.

I would like to thank my partner, my friends and my family for who you are and your love and support of me above and beyond the call of duty.

I would like to thank Gd, as well as myself, for showing up and playing the game.
Blessed Be.